I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
