So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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