I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
