There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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