We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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