hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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