i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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