i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
