It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
