You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
