dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
