sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
