I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
