2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
