Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
