is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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