When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
