he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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