Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
