Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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