after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
