I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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