Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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