Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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