Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
