Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
