I hate your face
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
