I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
