you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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