Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
