apparently the secret to your success is patron
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
