Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
