So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
