If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
