if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
