how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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