im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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