Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
