meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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