I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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