This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
