My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
