I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
