this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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