You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
