No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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