About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
