Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
