He passed out mid-signature
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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