guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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