Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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