Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
