I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
