he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
