Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
